If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
