Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Less talking, more tequila
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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