This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just tell him i said nine months
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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