I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ladies don't puke and tell
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
