Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
