you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
