His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
