I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
