I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
