Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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