She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
