addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
