Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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