I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
