I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
