dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
