when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
