i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
