You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
