just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
