dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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