Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
