you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
