Banned from zoo.
Again?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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