oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
