I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
