No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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