I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
