Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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