oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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