haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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