So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
