Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
false alarm. still invincible.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
