Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
