my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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