Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
