Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
