I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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