Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
