I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
