I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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