Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
