it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
im on a boat
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