I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
