I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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