1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
