She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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