Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
