i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
