Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
