I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
