she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
