get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
